Legend of the Holy SwordExcalibur's New Meister?
by RighterWriter
Summary: Stein tries his hand at wielding Excalibur


_I'll show her for taking my greatest experiment from me,_ Stein thought, finding another handhold in the sheer cliff. Lord Death had announced to him that day than an anonymous tipper had told him about the experiments Stein had been doing on his partner for the last five years. He knew exactly who that no-good little girl was, too, and he wouldn't let her get away with it. Nevertheless, she had left him a weaponless meister; a fact which he was soon to remedy.

Earlier that day, he had rifled through the school's library for about an hour until he'd found a suitable reference. With the book in his backpack, he had set off to find the most powerful weapon in existence.

The climb was daunting, and his hands kept slipping because the stone was wet from the nearby waterfall. Panting and dripping wet, he made it to the cave the book had mentioned. It was dark, despite the pallour of the stones that formed the spacious maw of the cavern. The river that ran through it came to Stein's bellybutton—sometimes he cursed the fact that he was small for his age. He was nearly sixteen, for heaven's sake, but Spirit—and nearly every other boy at the academy—was taller than he was. Putting this aside, he pressed on, determined to become the greatest meister the DWMA had ever seen.

The air around him was humming and pulsing with some sort of energy, and the dripping of water rang all around him, giving the cave a magical aura. The pale walls reflected the water in green and blue streaks. After a while, the river gave way to solid ground, and the passageway opened out into a large room with no ceiling and a platform in the center. And there it was, just like the book described. The Holy Sword Excalibur.

His heart started to race and his hands were trembling. Angry at himself, he crossed his arms and approached the sword. It seemed to be glowing in the light coming from the hole in the high ceiling. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he grasped the sword hilt and…

Pulled the sword out of the stone.

Confused, he examined the blade. This _was_ the right Holy Sword, wasn't it? The one that only the chosen hero could pull from its resting place? Honestly, he hadn't expected this. He stuck the sword back into the stone. Maybe it had been a fluke—was he really the chosen hero? Again, he grabbed the polished ivory hilt and…

Pulled the sword out of the stone again.

"Welcome, young lad!" said a rumbling, reverberating voice, and Stein squeaked, letting go of the sword. It really was glowing, now, and much to the surprise of the young meister, it was floating. "Welcome to my cave! I am The Holy Sword… _Excalibur!_"

But what stood before him when the light dissipated was certainly not what Stein had expected something that bore the title of "Holy Anything-other-than-cow" to look like. Was that a rabbit? No, it didn't have ears. And what was with those fish-eyes? He burst out laughing.

"Ahahaha, ahahahahahaha, you look ridiculous!"

"Fool! Do you know what this hat is?"

"Ridiculous, that's what," Stein snickered.

The small, white thing nearly whacked him with the little white cane he held in his hand. "Who are you, and where are you from?"

"Call me Stein. I'm from the DW—"

"Fool! I know that."

"What? Then wh—"

"Tell me, little boy…"

"_What_ did you ju—"

"Do you want to hear my legend?"

"What? No, I—"

"Do you want to hear a tale of cunning and daring?"

"I said no!"

"Fool! My legend dates back to the 12th century, you know."

"_Get. That. Cane. Out. Of. My. Face._"

"My legend begins on a Monday."

"I don't—"

"Or was it a Wednesay? Yes, yes I remember now, it was definitely a Friday. A frigid Saturday morning in August."

"Nothing you say makes any sense!" Stein cried in frustration, covering his ears and closing his eyes.

"That is why I never eat carrots."

"GAH!" He felt something thrust at his gut and opened his eyes; he was staring at a huge stack of papers.

"I have compiled a list of 1000 provisions you must partake in to become my meister."

"Why would I do that?" Stein asked in irritation. "Who would ever want to be your meister?" Silence fell on the cave, interrupted only by the dripping of water from the stalactites above. _What now?_ he thought. Had he actually managed to shut the thing up? After a while, Stein furrowed his brow and was about to say something when Excalibur suddenly tapped his cane onto the ground.

"Let me sing you a song."

"Oh, that's it, I'm leaving…" Stein turned to go, but the weapon followed him. He'd hardly taken a single step, and Excalibur was right behind him.

"Excalibuuuuur! Excalibuuuuur! From the United K, I'm looking for Heaven…"

"Go away, you pestilent pipsqueak!"

"I'm going to Californiaaaaaa~!"

"I said CUT IT OUT!"

"Excalibuuuuur!"

"FINE! I will be your meister if it will shut you up!"

"Do you want to become part of the Legend of the Holy Sword, lad?"

Stein was sure he was developing a complex just by being in this thing's presence. His eye was beginning to twitch. He had to do something. "I don't know how to use a sword," he lied. "Now will you just leave me—"

"Fool!"

Stein took a deep breath. Then he took another. _I am calm. I am ser—_

"...Fool."

"I AM GOING TO RIP YOU APART, YOU IRRITATING RABBIT-FISH!"

"Temper, temper. Provision number five hundred seventy-eight: A hero must never tell a lie."

Finally fed up, Stein cried out in anger and attempted to use his soul force attack on Excalibur.

"Did you see that?" Spirit asked.

"Hm?" Sid looked up from his lunch. "See what?"

"I could have sworn I just saw a flash of light…"

Sid looked around and shrugged. "I didn't see anything."

"Hm. Okay."

The next day, Stein couldn't help but notice that people were pointing and giggling. He thrust his hands into his pockets and avoided their gazes. What was their deal? Sure, he looked bruised and had cuts covering his face, but it wasn't as though he'd never come to school looking this way before. He found his way to the first class of the day and finally, the mystery was explained. There was an enormous shrine with flowers and ribbons and a picture of Stein next to the Holy Sword. Above it in large letters was the message, "I will always be waiting!"

"I'm gonna kill that thing…"


End file.
